


that one shitty gc au that no one asked for

by trash king murphamy (blackmaggiecat)



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, I hate myself, M/M, Texting, groupchats
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-21
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2018-09-26 03:23:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 11,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9859901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackmaggiecat/pseuds/trash%20king%20murphamy
Summary: wanheadass:where the fuck is bellamy, the SGA meeting tarted 20+ minutes agobabygirlblake:don't look at me, murph came to give him a ride over an hour agoj_jorDAMN:so you're meaning to tell mej_jorDAMN:murphy + bellamy are disappearedj_jorDAMN:togetherj_jorDAMN:for an hour+j_jorDAMN:and lied about where they were going?reyesss:aight im callin it: das gaydye_jonathan:theres literally just traffic on the highway, fuck u guys-aka a shitty gc au filled with murphamy, clexa, and other terrible shenanigans that will make y'all ask me to never write again





	1. i'm not fucking around i will sicc raven on ur homo asses

**Author's Note:**

> for clarification
> 
> wanheadass - clarke  
> king_blake - bellamy  
> babygirlblake - octavia  
> nathan_miller - miller  
> greenbean - monty  
> reyesss - raven  
> j_jorDAMN - jasper  
> dye_jonathan - murphy  
> commander_lex - lexa  
> trikru_lincoln - lincoln

**The Sky High Kru**

**4:11 PM**

**dye_jonathan** : who left their sweaty fucking shirt at my house last night

 **nathan_miller:** y would someone leave their shirt at your house???

 **nathan_miller:** did anyone even take their shirt off???

 **babygirlblake:** what does it look like

_**dye_jonathan** sent an attachment [sweaty-nasty-shirt.jpeg]_

**greenbean:** it's black and vaguely emo, five bucks says it's literally urs

 **dye_jonathan:** i think i would know if it was my own fucking shirt

 **dye_jonathan:** and why would i take my shirt off

 **nathan_miller:** a last-ditch attempt to impress girls?

 **dye_jonathan:** fuck u, i have a gf

 **king_blake:** sure, and i still have my virginity

 **king_blake:** and that's my shirt btw

 **dye_jonathan:** fuck u blake

 **king_blake:** i mean, if u wanna

 **wanheadass:** das gay

 **king_blake:** clarke you literally have a girlfriend

 

**dye_jonathan + king_blake**

**4** **:17 PM**

 **dye_jonathan:** you have four minutes to come get your shirt before i use it as a scent cover for my weed

 **king_blake:** you wouldn't

 **dye_jonathan:** bet

**4:24 PM  
**

**king_blake:** car's broke, i can't drive over. drive me to sga?

 **dye_jonathan:** sure, ur weed-smelling shirt is will be with me when i come pick u up

 **king_blake:** h8 u

 **dye_jonathan:** yea i know

 

**The Sky High Kru**

**5:26 PM  
**

  **wanheadass:** where the fuck is bellamy, the SGA meeting started 20+ minutes ago

 **babygirlblake:** don't look at me, murph came to give him a ride over an hour ago

 **j_jorDAMN:** so you're meaning to tell me

 **j_jorDAMN:** murphy + bellamy are disappeared

 **j_jorDAMN:** together

 **j_jorDAMN:** for an hour

 **j_jorDAMN:** after a very gay offer?

 **reyesss:** aight im callin it: das gay

 

**5: 34 PM**

**wanheadass + king_blake + dye_jonathan**

**wanheadass:** can you two please pause your gay carsex fest and drive B over to sga? its an important meeting

 **wanheadass:**???

 **wanheadass:** i'm not fucking around i will sicc raven on ur homo asses

 

**The Sky High Kru**

**5:42**

**dye_jonathan:** fuck u guys, im not gay

 **dye_jonathan:** there was traffic

 **dye_jonathan:** hes deposited at sga now, purity intact

 **reyesss:** i wouldnt say that lmao


	2. ur hurting my pigeon feelings

**The Sky High Kru**

**2:23 AM**

**greenbean:** guys

 **greenbean:** do pigeons have feelings

 

**2:26 AM**

**greenbean:** guys

 

**2:30**

**greenbean:** murphy this groupchat has read receipts i know you've seen this

 **dye_jonathan:** monty go to bed

 **greenbean:** sleep is for the weak

 **greenbean:** seriously tho, do pigeons have feelings?

 **dye_jonathan:** goodnight monty

 **greenbean:** wtf no

 **greenbean:** murphy this is important

 **greenbean:** d o  p i g e o n s   h a v e  f e e l i n g s

 **wanheadass:** if i say they do will you go the fuck to sleep

 **dye_jonathan:** i was trying to but now that ur about it im gonna stay up all night

 **wanheadass:** im going to murder you in ur sleep

 **dye_jonathan:** can't do that if i never sleep tho

 **wanheadass:** ur hurting my pigeon feelings

 

**4:24 AM**

**dye_jonathan:** still up bitch

 

**7:30 AM**

**king_blake:** someone needs to pick me up for school

 **king_blake:** also wtf why would pigeons have feelings

 **dye_jonathan:** i'll pick you up in ten

 **greenbean:** why do u not think pigeons have feelings :((((

 **reyesss:** #justiceforpigeons

 

**dye_jonathan + king_blake**

**7:44**

**dye_jonathan:** blake i know you see me outside, come out before i leave without you

 **king_blake:** i'm bi

 **dye_jonathan:** u little shit

 **dye_jonathan:** find ur own way to school

 **king_blake:** COME BACK

 

**The Sky High Kru**

**8:02**

**commander_lex** : why isnt bellamy in first period

 **king_blake:** i had to walk to school

 **commander_lex:** i thought murphy was giving you a ride????

 **king_blake:** he got mad and left me

_**king_blake** sent a screenshot  
_

**babygirlblake:** my big bro and his lovers quarrels

 **wanheadass:** lmao y'all petty

 **dye_jonathan:** clarke you literally stole every one of your girlfriend's candles when she was out with gustus on your birthday

 **wanheadass:** don;t expose me like this

 **babygirlblake:** also don't notice you denying the lover part

 **dye_jonathan:** I'M NOT GAY

 

**dye_jonathan + king_blake**

**8:22**

**dye_jonathan:** did u get to school okay

 **king_blake:** yea, no thanks to u lol

 **dye_jonathan:** meet me outside the science wing in 3rd period? i've got weed to make up for it

 **dye_jonathan:** or, mbege does. same dif

 **king_blake:** a man after my own heart

 **dye_jonathan:** das gay

 **king_blake:** ur gay

 **dye_jonathan:** NO I'M NOT

 

**The Sky High Kru**

**11:36**

_**king_blake** sent an attachment [sleepy-murph.jpg]_

**king_blake:** u win clarke, he's asleep

 **j_jorDAMN:** DID HE FALL ASLEEP ON UR SHOULDER

 **king_blake:** lol yea

 **reyesss:** gayyyyyyy

 **reyesss:** that boi is a HOMO

 **king_blake:** hes just tired and high????

_**j_jorDAMN** sent an attachment [sure-jan.gif]_

**wanheadass:** i fall asleep on lexa's shoulder all the time

 **wanheadass:** u know why

 **wanheadass:** bc we're gay together

 **wanheadass:** gays

 **wanheadass:** home of sexuals

 **wanheadass:** about the homo life

 **reyesss:** clarke ur bi

 **wanheadass:** shit u right

 

**king_blake + m_bae_ge**

**12:32 PM**

**king_blake:** can u come get murphy, hes high and i dont wanna wake him up but i gotta go to fourth period

 **m_bae_ge:** lmao just wake him up

 **king_blake:** he didnt sleep last night

 **m_bae_ge:** im aware

 **m_bae_ge:** he texted me the whole time abt pigeons???

 **king_blake:** can u please just come watch him

 **m_bae_ge:** there in a few

 

**dye_jonathan + king_blake**

**1:14 PM**

**dye_jonathan:** do u really not think pigeons have feelings

 **king_blake:** r u srsly still high

 **dye_jonathan:** yea me and begs smoked through fourth too

 **dye_jonathan:** but seriously

 **dye_jonathan:** why don't u think they hae feelings????

 **king_blake:** theyre birds, murphy

 **dye_jonathan:** but they have brains???? and they poop on bad peoples cars???

 **king_blake:** they dont have feelings, murphy

 **dye_jonathan:** u don't have feelings

 **king_blake:** murphy

 

**1:17 PM**

**dye_jonathan:** ???

 

**2:04**

**king_blake:** i can't believe i got my phone taken bc u wanted to text about pigeons

 

**The Sky High Kru**

**2:16 PM**

**dye_jonathan:** hwy do ppl jsut shoo awayy pigeons?? they have felinggs too

 **reyess:** murphy i know ur dyslexic but jesus, that text was a mess

 **greenbean:** PIGEONS RIGHTS

 **dye_jonathan:** fcuck u reven

 **king_blake:** no way in hell are you driving like this

 **king_blake:** get mbege to give you a ride

 **king_blake:** actually, hes worse than u are. meet me at ur car, i'm driving

 **dye_jonathan:** imm a pigeon illl jst fly home

 

**m_bae_ge + king_blake**

**2:20 PM**

**m_bae_ge:** dont take him home yet, foster mom will kill him if she sees him like that

 **king_blake:** tf do u expect me to do then

 **m_bae_ge:** lmao take him to urs for a while, u know how much he loves to hang around u

 **king_blake:** lol okay

 

**king_blake + wanheadass**

**2:21 PM**

_**king_blake** sent a screenshot_

**wanheadass:** mbege knows theres gay shit happening

 **king_blake:** there isnt tho

 **wanheadass:** he wasnt exactly subtle

 **wanheadass:** ur just blind

 **king_blake:** u hurt my pigeon feelings, griffin


	3. did u really expect to come in here and receive no sarcasm from me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for clarification
> 
> wanheadass - clarke  
> king_blake - bellamy  
> babygirlblake - octavia  
> nathan_miller - miller  
> greenbean - monty  
> reyesss - raven  
> j_jorDAMN - jasper  
> dye_jonathan - murphy  
> commander_lex - lexa  
> trikru_lincoln - lincoln  
> m_bae_ge - mbege  
> misshandsy - emori

**The Sky High Kru**

**3:47 PM**

 

 **reyesss:** whatre u guys doing tonight

 **dye_jonathan:** sleeping, presumably

 **reyesss:** jonathan alexander murphy i did not open my phone and compose a fucking message to this gc to receive this kind of disrespect

 **dye_jonathan:** omg

 **dye_jonathan:** slow ur roll bird lady

 **dye_jonathan:** did u really expect to come in here and receive no sarcasm from me

 **reyesss:** this is why your foster parents hate you

 **king_blake:** WOAH

 **wanheadass:** holy shit

 **dye_jonathan:** raven wtf

 **dye_jonathan:** its literally four oclock can u wait until i finish my hw to unleash my emotional trauma

 **j_jorDAMN:** murphy was that seriously ur biggest concern with what she said

 **dye_jonathan:** lmao yea

 **trikru_lincoln:** raven did u have a purpose in asking that question or did u just come here to be a bitch to murphy

 **reyesss:** lmao yea do yall wanna come over and watch moana im in a mood

 **wanheadass:** cant im busy

 **reyesss:** my parents arent home

**_wanheadass_ ** _sent an attachment [running.jpeg]_

**commander_lex:** if i wasnt aware of ur extreme dedication to meme culture this interaction might worry me

 **wanheadass:** NO LEXA UR MY BABY

 **commander_lex:** MY FUCKIN CINNAMON APPLE

 **greenbean:** u guys are the epitome of goals

 **reyesss:** GUYS

 **reyess:** i know clexa are cute and gay but srsly can yall come over or nah

 **wanheadass:** CLEXA

 **wanheadass:** LEXA WE OFFICIALLY HAVE A SHIP NAME

 **commander_lex:** clarke u literally came up with that ship name

 **wanheadass:** YEA BUT RAVEN JUST REFERRED TO US AS A COLLECTIVE ENTITY BY OUR SHIP NAME

 **commander_lex:** ur so embarassing

 **commander_lex:** first cheating with raven now this foolishness

 **commander_lex:** im breaking up with u

 **reyesss:** CAN SOMEONE ANSWER MY FUCKING QUESTION

 **babygirlblake:** linctavia will attend

 **trikru_lincoln:** we are not gonna be referred to as our ship name babe

 **babygirlblake:** yea u right that was cringey

 **babygirlblake:** me and lincoln will be there. bellamy too

 **king_blake:** o why are u just assuming i dont have plans

 **reyesss:** do u?

 **king_blake:** lol no ill be there

 **babygirlblake:** HA

 **nathan_miller:** count me in

 **j_jorDAMN:** ditto

 **greenbean:** same

 **reyesss:** ok is anyone /not/ coming

 **dye_jonathan:** not me binch u cant just talk shit on me and expect me to come

 **reyesss:** ull receive no apology from me

 

**wanheadass + commander_lex**

**4:07 PM**

**wanheadass:** babe

 **wanheadass:** u do know the shit with raven was joking right

 **wanheadass:** babe

 **wanheadass:** babe seriously, i love you more than anything okay???

 **wanheadass:** i know u used to think things abt me and raven but its not true

 **wanheadass:** ur my beautiful commander in ducky-print underwear ok

 **wanheadass:** my whole world

 **wanheadass:** babe?

 

**4:10 PM**

**commander_lex:** omg i was just afk but babe

 **commander_lex:** thats so sweet

 **commander_lex:** i love u too  <3

 **wanheadass:** <3

 

 

**reyesss + dye_jonathan**

**4:07 PM**

 

 **reyesss:** r u srsly not coming bc i was bitchy?

 **dye_jonathan:** no idc rly i know we have the whole jokey frenemies bit going

 **reyesss:** so ur coming?

 **dye_jonathan:** nah lol

 **dye_jonathan:** i have a d8 tonite

 **reyesss:** o shit rly???

 **dye_jonathan:** yea

 **dye_jonathan:** i actually do have a gf u guys keep thinking im making that up

 **reyesss:** omg who

 **dye_jonathan:** emori??? mbege's friend???

 **reyesss:** o shit

 

**gurls of the world!!**

**reyesss + babygirlblake + wanheadass**

**4:09 PM**

 

_**reyesss** sent a screenshot_

**babygirlblake:** omg

 **wanheadass:** he srsly has a gf

 **reyesss:** yea i checked his fb and it says hes in a relationship with her

 **reyesss:** we never check fb so i didnt see

 **reyesss:** plus i dont talk to mbege so????

 **wanheadass:** who wants to tell bellamy

 **wanheadass:** he's gonna freak

 **reyesss:** not me

 **babygirlblake:** not fucking me hes already pissed @ me bc i used his shaving cream for my legs

 **wanheadass:** fuck

 **wanheadass:** y'all owe me

 

**wanheadass + king_blake**

**4:11 PM**

 

_**wanheadass** sent an attachment [murphy-has-a-gf.jpg]_

**wanheadass:** bell?

 **wanheadass:** bellamy i know u saw this ur read receipts r on

 **king_blake:** fuck

 **wanheadass:** im sorry bell

 **king_blake:** its cool

 **king_blake:** im glad hes happy

 **wanheadass:** u dont have to come 2 ravens if u dont wnat

 **king_blake:** nah its whatever

 **wanheadass:** ok

 

**gurls of the world!!!**

**4:14 PM**

 

_**wanheadass** sent a screenshot_

**babygirlblake:** its not whatever

 **babygirlblake:** i can smell cigarette smoke from his room

 **wanheadass:** poor bby

 

 

**king_blake + m_bae_ge**

**4:14 PM**

 

 **king_blake:** does murphy really have a gf?

 **m_bae_ge:** yea lol my friend emori

 **m_bae_ge:** they have a date tonite

 **m_bae_ge:** i thought he would have told u????

 **king_blake:** guess not

 **m_bae_ge:** she goes to desert sands academy so none of u would know her but i figured yall would know by now

 **m_bae_ge:** theyve been dating for 2 months

 **king_blake:** wow

 **m_bae_ge:** lmao

 

**m_bae_ge + dye_jonathan**

**4:17 PM**

 

 **m_bae_ge:** why didnt u tell bellamy abt emori

 **dye_jonathan:** u know why

 **m_bae_ge:** murphy...

 **m_bae_ge:** shes my friend

 **m_bae_ge:** pls dont fuck this up

 **dye_joanthan:** i wont

 **dye_jonathan:** i rly like her

 **m_bae_ge:** ok

 **m_bae_ge:** does she know abt bellamy?

 **dye_jonathan:** y would i tell her abt that

 **m_bae_ge:** fair point

 **m_bae_ge:** dont fuk this up

 **dye_jonathan:** ok

 **dye_jonathan:** r u busy tmrw?

 **m_bae_ge:** lol when am i ever busy

 **dye_jonathan:** u wanna come over and play halo w me and emori

 **m_bae_ge:** yea sure

 **dye_jonathan:** ard cya

 

 

**dye_jonathan + misshandsy**

**5:57 PM**

 

 **misshandsy:** u almost here?

 **dye_jonathan:** otw babe

 **misshandsy:** <3

 **misshandsy:** c u soon

 **misshandsy:** i love u john

 **dye_jonathan:** out back

 **misshandsy:** ...

 **dye_jonathan:** u coming or what

 **misshandsy:** ...coming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter took so long!!! i finally added some plot
> 
> next chapter will include the gang fb stalking emori, pining jealous bellamy, the murp/mbege/emori squad in action, plenty of moana references, and maybe some fun non-murphamy subplots!!! fun times
> 
> comments fuel my fire my loves :)))))


	4. what kinda childish headassery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for clarification
> 
> wanheadass - clarke  
> king_blake - bellamy  
> babygirlblake - octavia  
> nathan_miller - miller  
> greenbean - monty  
> reyesss - raven  
> j_jorDAMN - jasper  
> dye_jonathan - murphy  
> commander_lex - lexa  
> trikru_lincoln - lincoln  
> m_bae_ge - mbege  
> misshandsy - emori

**The Sky High Kru**

**11:48 PM**

**reyesss:** jasper i know ur still here

 **reyesss:** i can hear u going thru my cupboards

 **reyesss:** go home

 **j_jorDAMN:** werent u asleep

 **reyesss:** ur loud rumbling woke me up

 **reyesss:** dont u have a better place to sleep than my couch

 **greenbean:** didnt i literally walk u home jasper

 **j_jorDAMN:** mama reyes bought rainbow goldfish and i wanted some

 **lincoln_trikru:** jasper wtf

 **wanheadass:** what kinda childish headassery

 **greenbean:** ^

 **commander_lex:** ^

 **reyesss:** hOW DID U GET BACK INTO MY HOUSE

 **j_jorDAMN:** u keep the spare key under the potted plant

 **reyesss:** wow ur rly gonna expose my family like this

 **greenbean:** raven we all already knew where ur spare key was

 **greenbean:** u know mama reyes loves us all

 **reyesss:** tru

 **reyesss:** my mom loves u all more than she loves me

 **wanheadass:** tru

 **j_jorDAMN:** raven do u want goldfish

 **reyesss:** get out of my house jordan

 **j_jorDAMN:** so thats a no??

 **reyesss:** nah lol im coming downstairs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW I PROMISED STUFF FOR THIS CHAPTER BUT I JUST HAD THIS CONCEPT AND I HAD TO POST IT OK I'LL GET BACK TO QUALITY CONTENT NEXT CHAPTER


	5. ok way to be a buzzkill bahlahkay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for clarification
> 
> wanheadass - clarke  
> king_blake - bellamy  
> babygirlblake - octavia  
> nathan_miller - miller  
> greenbean - monty  
> reyesss - raven  
> j_jorDAMN - jasper  
> dye_jonathan - murphy  
> commander_lex - lexa  
> trikru_lincoln - lincoln  
> m_bae_ge - mbege  
> misshandsy - emori

**The Sky High Kru**

**2:56 AM**

 

 **j_jorDAMN:** i feel like maui is what murphy could have been if

 **j_jorDAMN:** ya know

 **j_jorDAMN:** he had motivation or tried to be a good person

 **reyesss:** japser corneilius jordan have u not caused enough ruckus for one night

 **j_jorDAMN:** my middle name isnt corneilius????

 **reyesss:** it is now

 **j_jorDAMN:** my birth certificate says it isnt

 **reyesss:** the fact that ur practically part of my family to the point that u call my mother mom says i make the fuckin rules

 **greenbean:** why r u 2 even still up

 **babygirlblake:** ^

 **babygirlblake:** also r we gonna ignore the strong possibility that jasper compared maui to murphy just bc they both had parents who hated them and got raised by other ppl

 **reyesss:** lol goldfish woke me up so jasper and i acted out moana with goldfish for a while

 **reyesss:** he's "sleeping" on my couch atm

 **babygirl:** shouldnt u have sent him home????

 **reyesss:** i tried

 **reyesss:** he just wrapped himself in blankets and threaten to scream and wake up mama if i tried to force him out

 **babygirlblake:** i stg u 2 r more like siblings than me and bell

 **king_blake:** fuck u

 **greenbean:** there he is!!!!

 **king_blake:** here i am

 **king_blake:** to tell u all

 **king_blake:** to go the fuck to sleep

 **j_jorDAMN:** ok way to be a buzzkill bahlahkay

 **king_blake:** it 3AM???

 **greenbean:** hes been a buzzkill all night tbfh

 **j_jorDAMN:** whats wrong my fair freckled friend

 **king_blake:** never call me that again

 **wanheadass:** yo can u all shut up lex and i r tryna sleep and my phone is vibrating more than any sex toy i have ever known and more than any u will ever know if u dont let me go to sleep u literal trash compactor pieces of shit

 **j_jorDAMN:** omg

 **babygirlblake:** tag urself im "my phone is vibrating more than any sex toy i have ever known"

 **j_jordamn:** i'm "u literal trash compactor pieces of shit"

 **commander_lex:** i'm the girl sleeping next to her who would very much like it if u all would go to sleep

 **king_blake:** i'm gonna kill u all if u dont go to sleep, ive had a shitty day and i would love some sleep

 **wanheadass:** rt

 **commander_lex:** rt

 **trikru_lincoln:** rt

 **j_jorDAMN:** sleep is for the weak

 **king_blake:** fuck it

 

_**king_blake** has left the chat_

 

 **j_jorDAMN:** should we add him back?

 **trikru_lincoln:** actually hold up

 **trikru_lincoln:** did any of u else think he was like

 **trikru_lincoln:** unusually sulky tonight?

 **greenbean:** I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST ME

 **trikru_lincoln:** no lmao he was rly cranky

 **j_jorDAMN:** he wouldnt even sing 'i know the way' with me

 **j_jorDAMN:** thats like, our thing

 **greenbean:** ik i feel bad

 **greenbean:** whats up with him do u think???

 **j_jorDAMN:** idk???

 

**3:28 AM**

**trikru_lincoln:** the girls are strangely silent about this

 **greenbean:** ik they definitely know something

 

 

**j_jorDAMN + reyesss**

**3:29 AM**

 

 **j_jordamn:** what do u know

 **reyesss:** nothing

 **j_jorDAMN:** bullshit ik u

 **j_jorDAMN:** whats up w/ bellamy

 **reyesss:** murp had a d8 last night

 **j_jorDAMN:** MURPHY HAS A GF???

 **reyesss:** IKR HE RLY DOES

 **j_jorDAMN:** WTF

 

 

**The Sky High Kru**

**3:30 AM**

 

 **j_jorDAMN:** MURPHY RLY HAS A GIRLFRIEND YALL

 **reyesss:** wow way to keep it under wraps jasper

 **greenbean:** omg

 

**3:37 AM**

 

 **babygirlblake:** is anyone gonna add bellamy back into the gc??

 **reyesss:** lol i'll do it in the morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'll probably upload another chapter today as well???? bc i feel like this one sux
> 
> also shoutout to jenno for pumping me up abt this fic, it makes me happy to know i have the blessing from the queen of murphamy fic.
> 
> comment to fuel my moitivation pyre binches


	6. i wear the metaphorical pants in this family

**The Sky High Kru**

**9:36 AM**

 

 **dye_jonathan:** i'm reading the gc from last night and

 **dye_jonathan:** guys emori and i have been dating for 2 months

 **dye_jonathan:** i continually told u guys i have a gf

 **dye_jonathan:** how did u not put together the pieces

 **reyesss:** bc no one believed u could get a gf

 **dye_jonathan:** no one believed u would ever walk again but here we are

 **trikru_lincoln:** o shit

 **reyesss:** i use a brace what's ur excuse

 **dye_jonathan:** i have mbege

 **reyesss:** fair lol

 **babygirlblake:** someone add bell back in he sees my phone vibrating and he's pouting

 **dye_jonathan:** tell him he can only come back if he'll deliver cool ranch doritos to my house

 

 

**gurls of the world!!!**

**9:37 AM**

 

 **babygirlblake:** he just muttered "get emori to bring u doritos"

 **wanheadass:** omg

 **wanheadass:** his lil sulky self

 

 

**The Sky High Kru**

**9:37**

 

 **babygirlblake:** murphy he's wearing pajamas

 **babygirlblake:** he doesnt have a car

 **dye_jonathan:** no excuses

 **babygirlblake:** what if he takes u on a big gay date instead

 **dye_jonathan:** I'M NOT GAY

 **dye_jonathan:** we just established that i have a gf

 **reyesss:** never stopped him before

 **j_jorDAMN:** MCROASTED

 **trikru_lincoln:** its not as fun to roast him when he's not here

 **j_jorDAMN:** tru

 

_**j_jorDAMN** added **king_blake**_

 

 **king_blake:** did u have ur fun

 **dye_jonathan:** we did but then u got here

 **king_blake:** hardy har

 **king_blake:** how did the girls keep themselves off of u

 **dye_jonathan:** clearly they didnt lmaoo

 **king_blake:** yea

 **dye_jonathan:** lol

 **reyesss:** JASPER WHY ARE YOU STILL IN MY HOUSE

 **j_jorDAMN:** mom's making waffles do u expect me to leave

 **reyesss:** she put eggo waffles in the toaster

 **reyesss:** u could have done that at home

 **babygirlblake:** lmao he called her mother "mom" in the gc

 **babygirlblake:** rt ur sibling goals

 **dye_jonathan:** roma almost snitched to foster mom that i was out late last night so i wouldnt be able to go to emori's today

 **babygirlblake:** not rting that

 **king_blake:** weren't u just with emori last night?

 **dye_jonathan:** yea???

 **dye_jonathan:** me + her + mbege r gonna play halo 2gether

 **reyesss:** murphy r u dumping us for u other friends

 **dye_jonathan:** yes

 **reyesss:** thats probably fair

 

 

**reyesss + babygirlblake**

**9:41 AM**

 

 **reyesss:** I'M WORKING SO HARD TO DIFFUSE THE TENSION BUT IS IT WORKING???

 **babygirlblake:** bellamy is making the saddest-looking pancakes in world history so i guess not

 **reyesss:** fuck

 **reyesss:** why is he so smitten its inconvenient to me

 **babygirlblake:** lmao he's such a sop

 **babygirlblake:** i wear the pants in this fucking family

 **reyesss:** do u rly tho

 **babygirlblake:** i wear the metaphorical pants in this family

 **reyesss:** better

 

 

**king_blake + wanheadass**

**9:43 AM**

 

 **king_blake:** murphy never hangs out with people more than one day in a row

 **wanheadass:** ikr

 **king_blake:** he must really like her

 **wanheadass:** u and him hang out multiple days in a row all the time???

 **king_blake:** i thought he really liked me

 **wanheadass:** r u ok?

 **king_blake:** yea im fine

 **wanheadass:** im comign over

 

 

 

_**reyesss** made a new chat_

_**reyesss** added **j_jorDAMN** , **wanheadass** , **babygirlblake** , **commander_lex** , **greenbean**_

_**reyesss** renamed the gc _ **THE** **SECRET EMORI-STALKIGN SQUAD**

 

 **trikru_lincoln:** let me stop u right there

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> second shitty chapter of the day!!! wow oh wow i am on a roll
> 
> i apologise for this mess, i had to set up for NEXT CHAPTER which will include:  
> -fb stalking emori (finally)  
> -murp and emori and mbege being Squad Goals  
> -bell continuing to be salty  
> -bellamy also doing something stupid and unexpected  
> -clexa
> 
> comment to make my ugly lil fingers type faster


	7. this is heterosexual erasure

**does john mbege is gay?**

**dye_jonathan + m_BAE_ge + misshandsy**

**10:20 AM**

**misshandsy:** john why are all of your friends suddenly trying to add me on facebook

 **dye_jonathan:** jesus christ

 **dye_jonathan:** just let them

 **misshandsy:** why????

 **dye_jonathan:** they're... special

 **m_BAE_ge:** theres a reason im only friends with murphy

 **m_BAE_ge:** and bellamy on occasion

 **dye_jonathan:** dont insult my friends u apricot

 **m_BAE_ge:** fight me u mayonnaise motherfucker

 **dye_jonathan:** MEET ME IN THE PIT mbeGAY

 **misshandsy:** girls girls ur both pretty

 

 

**SECRET EMORI-STALKIGN SQUAD**

**10:24 AM**

 

 

 **babygirlblake:** we've infiltrated her social medias!!!!

 **trikru_lincoln:** you make that sounds like a big accomplishment instead of the fact that she literally just accepted ur friend requests

 **wanheadass:** she hasn't accepted mine yet???

 **wanheadass:** nvm

 **commander_lex:** at risk of sounding super lesbian, the name "emori sanders" is so aesthetically pleasing

 **wanheadass:** "at risk of sounding super lesbian" babe ur literally naked in my bed rn

 **reyesss:** TMI TMI TMI TMI

 **commander_lex:** lol sorry not sorry

 

**10:26**

 

 

**_reyesss_ ** _sent an attachment [[how-did-murphy-get-her.jpg](https://i1.wp.com/telltaletv.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/Luisa_d_Oliveira_Lovera_43-1-e1475764496370.jpg?fit=730%2C523)]_

 

 **wanheadass:** omg yea i saw that

 **babygirlblake:** she's so pretty???

 **reyesss:** she captioned it "concert season with my baby" and tagged murphy??

 **greenbean:** i thought murphy hated concerts???

 **j_jorDAMN:** ^^^

 **trikru_lincoln:** yea apparently they're "capitalist institutions to put a price on the free sharing of art"

 **reyesss:** for a lower-class foster care kid he's so damn pretentious

 **wanheadass:** umm

 **wanheadass:** "i only buy expensive bamboo panties, cotton is for weaklings who dont like their pussies being fresh" -raven reyes 2k17

 **j_jorDAMN:** I CHOKED

 **babygirlblake:** ahfjwhelkh RAVEN EXPOSED

 **reyesss:** i stand by my statement

 

**does john mbege is gay?**

**10:41 AM**

 

 **dye_jonathan:** r we still meeting at mbege's?

 **misshandsy:** depends... would u rather do something else?

 **misshandsy:** ;^)

 **dye_jonathan:** i'd very much like to hand mbege's ass to him in halo

 **m_BAE_ge:** i'd like to see you try

 **misshandsy:** its cute ow u think u 2 can beat me

 **dye_jonathan:** i love it when u talk competitive to me ;^)

 **misshandsy:** :^*

 **m_BAE_ge:** this is disgusting

 

 

**SECRET EMORI STALKIGN SQUAD**

**11:06 AM**

 

 **reyesss:** do murphy and emori spend all of their time hes not w us or smoking with mbege together???

 **greenbean:** it seems like it

 **reyesss:** wtf how did we not notice

 **wanheadass:** i mean to be fair we dont have a strong track record of noticing what murphy does at any given time

 **commander_lex:** tru

 **commander_lex:** remember in freshman year when he disappeared for 2 months and came back to give everyone gastroenteritis

 **commander_lex:** and then fucking ran away from home

 **j_jorDAMN:** I C O N I C

 **reyesss:** and then he came back and visited me in the hospital and cried about his mother for like three hours and then we thought he disappeared again

 **reyesss:** but he literally just continually cut class to drop acid with someone in his gov class

 **wanheadass:** i'd like to take this opportunity to acknowledge that we are the most neglectful friends in the world

 **reyesss:** speak for urself bbysis

 **reyesss:** bellamy is a great friend to him

 **wanheadass:** lmao but bell doesnt count bc hes extra vigilant to what murphy does

 **j_jorDAMN:** i feel like that comment carries significance i'm not aware of

 **wanheadass:**...omg

 

 

**The Sky High Kru**

**12:37 PM**

 

_**dye_jonathan** sent an attachment [wifey.mp4]_

**dye_jonathan:** since y'all seem to be doubters of my heterosexuality, here is a video of my lovely girlfriend fucking destroying mbege at halo

 **reyesss:** lmao tag urself im mbege shouting "EMORI DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT BUTTOMS YOU'RE PRESSING OR ARE YOU JUST GETTING LUCKY"

 **trikru_lincoln:** i'm murphy's hot girlfriend pressing buttons with her toes

 **wanheadass:** i'm murphy's confirmed bisexuality

 **dye_jonathan:**...

 **dye_jonathan:** this is heterosexual erasure

 **dye_jonathan:** the gays are taking over

 **dye_jonathan:** i thought we were living in trumps america now

 **king_blake:** i'm murphy claiming to support trump's america even though that split second of selfie-footage showed his bernie t-shirt i bought him

 **reyesss:** #exposed

 **nathan_miller:** i'm clarke assuming everyone in the world is bisexual until proven physically repulsed by at least one gender

 **trikru_lincoln:** hey miller

 **dye_jonathan:** the prodigal son returns to the gc

 **nathan_miller:** yea, i had no reception visiting bryan at boarding school

 **wanheadass:** awww how is he

 

_**nathan_miller** sent an attachment [my-baby.jpeg]_

 

 **reyesss:** look at my soft son who i would die for

 **wanheadass:** hey back off reyes lexa and i have already called dibs on adopting him

 **reyesss:** mcfight me clarke

 **wanheadass:** you wanna mcfreakin go

 **reyesss:** LETS MCFREAKIN LOSE IT

 **nathan_miller:** i regret returning to this gc

 **king_blake:** me every day of my life buddy

 

 

**dye_jonathan + king_blake**

**1:43 PM**

 

 **dye_jonathan:** hey

 **dye_jonathan:** bellamy

 **dye_jonathan:** are you like

 **dye_jonathan:** mad at me or something?

 **king_blake:** no, why

 **dye_jonathan:** idk

 **king_blake:** lol ok

 

 

**dye_jonathan + wanheadass**

**1:47 PM**

 

 **dye_jonathan:** is bellamy mad at me?

 **wanheadass:** no???

 **wanheadass:** why???

 **dye_jonathan:** i guess we usually just talk/text a lot but for the last day r so he's been like

 **dye_jonathan:** radio silent

 **wanheadass:** ohhh no he's just been in a bit of a sour mood

 **dye_jonathan:** oh ok

 **dye_jonathan:** why wouldnt he just tell me???

 **wanheadass:** why does bellamy do anything???

 **dye_jonathan:** lol tru

 **dye_jonathan:** unrelated

 **dye_jonathan:** remember when u and lexa started dating???

 **wanheadass:** of course

 **wanheadass:** she tried to break my nose for real during a kickboxing match and then asked for my number

 **dye_jonathan:** i remember that

 **dye_jonathan:** you called me, of all people, to rant about how hot she was and how beautiful her right hook was

 **dye_jonathan:** the whole time sounding like you ust got the worst flu of your life

 **wanheadass:** yea, i knew it was love at first bloody nose

 **wanheadass:** why do you ask though

 **dye_jonathan:** how did you get around to introducing her to our friends?

 **wanheadass:** r u thinkin abt introducing us to emori?

 **dye_jonathan:** i mean u all already fb stalked her so  guess the time is right??

 **wanheadass:** yea lol i guess

 **wanheadass:** i was planning on seeing if the gang wanted to go to the mall tomorrow, do you wanna see if she wants to come?

 **dye_jonathan:** yea sure

 **dye_jonathan:** thanks clarke :^)

 **wanheadass:** anytime murphy <3

 

 

**king_blake + icequeenecho**

**5:57 PM**

 

 **icequeenecho:** hey

 **king_blake:** hey

 **king_blake:** who is this???

 **icqueenecho:** this is echo??? from econ???

 **king_blake:** oh lol hi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gasp! echo? bellamy, please dont stick ur dick in crazy
> 
> this chapter is unecessarily long and possibly my worst work to late but honestly feel free to point me in the direction of someone who gives a fuck bc it surely ain't me
> 
> (dont worry tho, next chapter to come soon, full to the brim with squad goodness)
> 
> pls leave kudos and comment bc im a hoe who lives for validation.


	8. u disgust me more with every passing day

**The Sky High Kru**

**11:07 AM**

 

 **j_jorDAMN:** yo

 **j_jorDAMN:** we still headed to the mall today

 **reyesss:** hell yea

 **wanheadass:** hell yea

 **reyesss:** jinx lmao

 **wanheadass:** jinx doesn't apply, you sent it first

 **reyesss:** who are you to set the jinx rules

 **reyesss:** anyways no one called off so we'll all be there @ jasper

 **j_jorDAMN:** mclitty as a mctitty

 **greenbean:** ur uninvited

 **j_jorDAMN:** thats fair

 **dye_jonathan:** actually guys

 **dye_jonathan:** about that

 **reyesss:** youre not allowed to back out you piece of shit

 **j_jorDAMN:** ^^^

 **greenbean:** ^^^

 **dye_jonathan:** fuck u guys, u dont get to dictate what i do

 **trikru_lincoln:** murphy ur coming

 **dye_jonathan:** ok

 **reyesss:** ?

 **reyesss:** im offended???

 **reyesss:** why does he get to boss you around???

 **dye_jonathan:** bc lincoln scares me and you dont

 **reyesss:** WHAT

 **babygirlblake:** o shit

 **babygirlblake:** murphy uve got a big storm coming

 **reyesss:** I CAN BECOME VERY TERRIFYING VERY QUICKLY

 **reyesss:** JUST YOU WAIT JONATHAN

 **j_jorDAMN:** SHE PULLED OUT THE JONATHAN O SHIT

 **babygirlblake:** MURPHY UR A DEAD MAN

 **trikru_lincoln:** murphy i didnt mean to start shit but raven even scares me so what r u doing

 **babygirlblake:** omg

 

**11:34 AM**

 

 **dye_jonathan:** raven why are you OUTSIDE ME HOUSE

 **reyesss:** AM I SCARY NOW YOU MAYONAISSE CHAMELEON LOOKING CUMGARGLER

 **dye_jonathan:** HOW DID YOU GET HERE SO FAST

 **dye_jonathan:** STOP SCREAMING UNDER MY WINDOW YOU'RE GONNA GET ME IN TROUBLE

 **reyesss:** NOTHING STOPS RAVEN REYES ON A MISSION

 **nathan_miller:** raven noah fence but pls dont get murphy in trouble with the foster parents

 **reyesss:** u right, i wanna scare him but i dont want his Actual Death

 **dye_jonathan:** jesus all i wanted was to see if emori could come with us today and raven here had to give me a whole heart attack

 **j_jorDAMN:** WHAT

 **reyesss:** WHAT

 **dye_jonathan:** lmao yea thats what i wanted to say earlier

 **dye_jonathan:** i wanted to see if you guys were cool with me bringing emori to the mall today so yall could meet her

 **babygirlblake:** hellllllllllll yea

 **reyesss:** bring her so i can wife her up and steal her from you

 **dye_jonathan:** wtf no

 

 

**dye_jonathan + misshandsy**

**12:04  PM**

 

 **dye_jonathan:** babe

 **misshandsy:** fellow associate

 **dye_jonathan:** what are you doing today?

 **misshandsy:** you

 **dye_jonathan:** gtfo with ur asexual erasure

 **misshandsy:** u rite u rite

 **misshandsy:** i have season 9 of greys anatomy queued up

 **misshandsy:** why?

 **dye_jonathan:** damn without me? ;^)

 **misshandsy:** u disgust me more with every passing day

 **dye_jonathan:** thats fair

 **dye_jonathan:** do you wanna meet my friends?

 **misshandsy:** seriously?

 **dye_jonathan:** ...yes?

 **misshandsy:** omg babe

 **misshandsy:** yes of course id be honored

 **dye_jonathan:** cool lmao

 **dye_jonathan:** ill pick u up at one

 **misshandsy:** cant wait

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *cringey vine voice* look at all this filler
> 
> i'll add a second chapter later today or tmrw so y'all dont hate me but i needed to add this transition before we got to the squad goodness
> 
> y'all know i live for validation, gimme dat kudos/comments goodness ;^)


	9. pick a heathen, bitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER IS BAD. IM AWARE THAT ITS BAD. I JUST FEEL BAD FOR NOT POSTING SO HERE'S SOME BULLSHIT.

**The Sky High Kru**

**12:54 PM**

**reyesss:** where r u shitstains, mama has her coffee

 **wanheadass:** under lexa

 **reyesss:** gross

 **reyesss:** where are you really

 **wanheadass:** legitimately under lexa

 

_**wanheadass** sent an attachment [lexas-upstairs.jpeg]_

 

 **commander_lex:** the second we got into forever 21 she ran down onto the lower level "for the sex joke"

 **reyesss:**  i have never been more disgusted in a pair of human beings in my life

 **wanheadass:** come join usssss

 **reyesss:** ew no

 **reyesss:** where are the non-heathens

 **greenbean:** i'm in bath and body works

 **j_jorDAMN:** i'm bath and body works

 **greenbean:** no

 **reyesss:** DO I HAVE ANY BETTER FRIENDS THAN THIS

 **babygirlblake:** lincoln and i are stuck in traffic

 **wanheadass:** HA

 **wanheadass:** pick a heathen, bitch

 **reyesss:** where the fuck is bellamy when i need him

 

 

**reyesss + king_blake**

**12:58 PM**

 

 **reyesss:** get ur freckly ass over to the mall blake

 **king_blake:** imma be a little late

 **king_blake:** i had to get  an uber from Azgeda and the closest one was 20 mins away

 **reyesss:** ???

 **reyesss:** why the fuck were u in Azgeda

 **king_blake:** i was takin classes in knunyah

 **reyesss:** knunyah?

 **king_blake:** knunyah fuckin business reyes

 **reyesss:** touché, shithead

 

 

**reyesss + babygirlblake**

**1:02 PM**

 

_**reyesss** sent a screenshot_

 

 **reyesss:** ???

 **reyesss:** does he even know anyone in azgeda?

 **babygirlblake:** i don't think so???

 **babygirlblake:** i'll ask Lincoln

 

**1:04 PM**

 

 **babygirlblake:** lincoln def knows something

 **reyesss:** fucc

 **reyesss:** how much u wanna bet that fucker paid for an uber all the way out to Azgeda for a bootycall

 **babygirlblake:** lmao i'm not betting against that

 **babygirlblake:** just because that boy is pining after murphy doesn't mean he doesn't Have The Hoes

 **reyesss:** where r u guys i'm boredddd

 **babygirlblake:** go find jas and monty or clexa

 **reyesss:** no

 **reyesss:** i'm stubbornly refusing to find them

 **babygirlblake:** fair

 **babygirlblake:** we're turning in to the parking lot now

 **reyesss:** i'm on my way

 **babygirlblake:** KQDJWQLHD

 

 

**The Sky High Kru**

**1:07 PM**

 

 **babygirlblake:** RAVEN JUST JUMPED IN FRONT OF A CAR

 **j_jorDAMN:** WHAT

 **greenbean:** wtf is she ok?

 **reyesss:** #parkour

 **j_jorDAMN:** RAVEN I THOUGHT MURPHY WAS THE TOKEN EMO WTF ARE YOU DOINGGGGG

 **reyesss:** i joke about wanting to die so much i guess i had better try for it

 **wanheadass:** raven no

 **wanheadass:** im calling mama reyes

 **reyesss:** if you call mama on me i will run all the way from the mall to your house and shit on everything that you love

 **reyesss:** i didn't even jump in front of a car

 **babygirlblake:** ok, so you ran in front of a moving car

 **babygirlblake:** its the same thing

 **reyesss:** i was excited to see you

 **babygirlblake:** you saw me yesterday

 **reyesss:** still

 **trikru_lincoln:** wut abt me

 **reyesss:** u know i always miss ur musk

 **trikru_lincoln:** <3

 **babygirlblake:** stop flirting with each other i'm right here

 **reyesss:** don't worry lincoln, octavia will never destroy our forbidden love

 **wanheadass:** y'all are weird wtf

 **reyesss:** LOOK WHO'S TALKING

 **babygirlblake:** where r the rest of u

 **wanheadass:** we've gathered in the starbucks

 **babygirlblake:** see you in

 

**1:24 PM**

 

 **dye_jonathan:** hello this is emori, john is "driving"

 **reyesss:** EMORI

 **wanheadass:** sldfhslah

 **j_jorDAMN:** omg HI

 **dye_jonathan:** lol hi

 **j_jorDAMN:** WHATS UP

 **dye_jonathan:** john invited me to come along today, i hope that's ok with you all

 **reyesss:** of course it is wtf

 **reyesss:** we've been meaning to meet you

 **reyesss:** and by 'we' i mean 'me'

 **reyesss:** also the rest of them

 **dye_jonathan:** haha good

 **dye_jonathan:** anyways john was wondering where you all were currently so he could park appropriately

 **reyesss:** tell him to park it directly in my ass

 **wanheadass:** RAVEN

 **reyesss:** #sorrynotsorry

 **trikru_lincoln:** we're in macy's right now, second floor

 **dye_jonathan:** ok thank you

 **dye_jonathan:** and john says to tell raven "what ass?"

 **nathan_miller:** omg

 **babygirlblake:** does murp seriously want to get his ass beat in front of his gf

 **reyesss:** tell jonathan alexander murphy that he is a dead man walking

 **dye_jonathan:** he said "bring it bitch"

 **dye_jonathan:** i love him and don't tell him this but if you two fight im on your side

 **wanheadass:** SHIT

 **reyesss:** YESSSSSSS

 **dye_jonathan:** ovaries before brovaries

 **dye_jonathan:** john is parking now, i guess i'll meet you guys soon!!!

 **reyesss:** i look forward to anti-john murphy fight club with you :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> filler is a fun game. everything important will show up next chapter. i might end up deleting this chapter bci feel like it doesn't rly add anything to my story or my life and it's more than a lil bit shitty.
> 
> leave comments and kudos to tell me how bad this is but also motivate me to continue.


	10. i'm 'fcuk'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wowie i took foreverrrrr to update im super sorry i had exams and shit goin on

**The Sky High Kru**

**1:27 PM**

**greenbean:** jas and i snuck out to get a pretzel but we see the lizard boy and emori heading y'alls way

 **reyesss:** excellent

 **reyesss:** @ everyone else when they get here tell them im with j + m

 **babygirlblake:** roger that, commander

 **commander_lex:** excuse u im the commander?

 **babygirlblake:** issa joke

 **commander_lex:** :-/

 **wanheadass:** youll always be my commander bbygirl

 **commander_lex:** <3

 **babygirlblake:** excuse me while i vomit

 **wanheadass:** o ur not slick i can see u straddling lincoln on a display bed over there

 **reyesss:** CAN I JUST HAVE ONE SET OF NON-HEATHEN FRIENDS

 **wanheadass:** maybe if u stopped being a prude

 **reyesss:** BITCH

 **reyesss:** u know ive had mad dingalings in my bat cave but my mama, as a classy lady, has taught me not to speak of it

 **babygirlblake:** BAT CAVE

 **greenbean:** DINGALINGS

 **j_jorDAMN:** I JUST CHOKED ON MY PRETZEL

 **nathan_miller:** raven wtf

 **reyesss:** this is bullying

 **trikru_lincoln:** tag urself i'm 'I've had made dingalings in my batcave'

 **commander_lex:** i'm '[my mama] has taught me not to speak of it'

 **babygirlblake:** im raven missing the fact that murphy just walked into the store

 **reyesss:** FCUK

 **greenbean:** i'm 'fcuk'

 **dye_jonathan:** why is Octavia straddling lincoln

 **dye_jonathan:** why is raven trying to hide behind a pottery display

 **dye_jonathan:** im not even that late how the hell did i miss this shit

 **nathan_miller:** do u even really wanna know man

 **dye_jonathan:** u right

 **trikru_lincoln:** raven u might as well come out now, we all see you making heart eyes at emori

 **babygirlblake:** babe why are you not more focused on me right now

 **trikru_lincoln:** that woman over in utensils is giving us the stink eyes, i don't wanna get kicked out before raven kicks murphy's ass

 **dye_jonathan:** before she what now

 **dye_jonathan:** IADLfRJLGWUH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is this short and shitty? yes. but it moves my plot forward and also its been too long since i updated


	11. am i the only one still seeking an explanation here?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shit is going in the downward direction

**king_blake + wanheadass**

**1:35 PM**

 

 **king_blake:** uber just got here, where r u guys

 **wanheadass** : clexa is currently do not disturb, but i think the rest of them are in macys

 **wanheadass:** check the gc

 **king_blake:** gotcha

 **king_blake:** be safe u sex addicts

 **wanheadass:** ;)

 

 

**The Sky High Kru**

**1:38 PM**

 

 **king_blake:** ok what the fuck is going on in here on this day

 **j_jorDAMN:** quite a bit tbh

 **wanheadass:** me and lex are in victoria's secret whats goin down

 **trikru_lincoln:** usually this is the part where someone inserts a sex joke but shit is actually goin down clarke

 **wanheadass:** ??? fill me in

 

_**king_blake** sent an attachment [caucasian-tomfoolery.jpg]_

 

 **wanheadass:** HOLY SHIT

 **king_blake:** my innocent ass rolls up

 **king_blake:** a little over an hour late with coffee

 **king_blake:** there is an entire display of pillows on the ground, along with their shelf

 **king_blake:** murphy is bleeding and on a fucking stretcher and who i can only assume to be emori has a bloody nose

 **king_blake:** raven is holding up a pillow to said bloody noseand apologising to a macy's employee

 **king_blake:** lincoln and octavia are getting screeched at by an elderly woman in what appears to be fluent vietnamese

 **king_blake:** and jasper is, unhelpfully, apparently trying to force-feed a slushie to the unconscious murphy

 **commander_lex:** WHAT THE FUCK

 **wanheadass:** ^^^^ TRULY

 **wanheadass:** WE LEFT Y'ALL ALONE BRIEFLY TO DO THE DO IN A DRESSING ROOM AND YOU PULL THIS SHIT

 **king_blake:** i really wanna offer an explanation but everyone involved in this debacle is currently otherwise occupied

 **wanheadass:** wheres monty?

 **king_blake:** not here???

 **j_jorDAMN:** lmao he took one look at this fiasco and fucking dipped

 **j_jorDAMN:** monty does not have time for our white foolishness

 **greenbean:** ur goddamn right i hightailed my scrawny ass outta there everyone was shouting and my family has a history of high blood pressure

 **j_jorDAMN:** where tf r u

 **greenbean:** hyperventilating outside yankee candle

 **greenbean:** the sales girl is trying to convince me that the vanilla cupcake candle is soothing and im trying to convince myself not to use said candle to bash out my own brain matter

 **wanheadass:** hang tight bud, lex and i will come grab u

 **commander_lex:** ok clarke u know i love you and you know i love monty but i want to know whats going down in macys

 **j_jorDAMN:** its mostly the same

 **king_blake:** and by "mostly the same" he means its a trainwreck

 **king_blake** : octavia appears to have completely ditched lincoln in order to use this mess to hide her shameless shoplifting of cosmetics

 **wanheadass:** omg im proud

 **king_blake:** im not even sure she knows what shes grabbing but lincoln seems unhappy to be left alone

 **trikru_lincoln:** ya i fucking am

 **trikru_lincoln:** if i wasn't madly in love with her this would be a breaking point in our relationship

 **babygirlblake:** at least that woman went away

 **trikru_lincoln:** yes but now im being lectured by an employee about how reaching up your shirt while making out on the display bed is "inappropriate behavior"

 **trikru_lincoln:** like yes i know it is but there is a boy being wheeled out on a stretcher and an entire pillow display on the ground is me getting nasty in ur establishment really the first priority rn

 **reyesss:** hey guys murp might need to go to the hospital, clarke can u ride in the ambulance with him? i know u have all of his insurance info on ur phone still

 **wanheadass:** yea of course

 **wanheadass:** i'll give lex my car keys, the rest of you will follow when everything is sorted out?

 **reyesss:** yee

 **commander_lex:** am i the only one still seeking an explanation here?

 **reyesss:** i'll text everything once im in the car

 **commander_lex:** ok

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow look at this update speed!!! eyeconic
> 
> i have the next chapter mostly written up issa good time
> 
> as usual, all kudos/comments raise my gpa and clear my skin so hmu my loves


	12. it was a '*record scratch* yep, that's me' moment

**commander_lex + reyesss**

**1:45 PM**

 

 **commander_lex:** monty is on the edge of a panic attack proper outside the yankee candle, so im gonna take him home for a bit. can u + the gang all pile in ur and linc's cars?

 **reyesss:** yes of course

 **reyesss:** linc, o, and jas already left while im sorting out the whole "we fucked up in a macy's" issue

 **reyesss:** apparently even when your friend is going to the fucking hospital you cant just get off with an "im sorry"

 **commander_lex:** jesus

 **commander_lex:** remind me to never shop at macy's again

 **reyesss:** u and me both sis

 

 

**The Sky High Kru**

**2:05 PM**

 

 **wanheadass:** murp'll be fine

 **wanheadass:** broken nose and the worst concussion known to man. the back of his head is gonna need stitches but its where is undercut is so they won't fuck up his hair when they shave it

 **wanheadass:** he also jammed his wrist pretty bad so he's probs gonna need a brace for that

 **wanheadass:** he's decidedly not conscious

 **wanheadass:** they say he'll be fine, looked worse than it was

 **trikru_lincoln:** goddamn, he needs some milk

 **j_jorDAMN:** i tried to give him a slushie?

 **trikru_lincoln:** that's not even remotely the same thing

 **trikru_lincoln:** no calcium

 **j_jorDAMN:** :(

 **king_blake:** is anyone ever gonna explain what happened???

 **trikru_lincoln:** ray said she'd explain once she's in the car

 

**2:15 PM**

 

 **reyesss:** ok so i will never give macy's my service again as long as i live

 **reyesss:** and we're all formally banned from that location

 **reyesss:** that lady was so rude

 **commander_lex:** well, i mean, to be fair, u and murphy fucking destroyed her display and emori bled all over a pillow

 **reyesss:** yea but she was fucking rude

 **king_blake:** raven

 **king_blake:** can u please explain why murphy needs stitches and has a broken nose and a jammed thumb

 **reyesss:** ok sheesh calm down cupcake

 **reyesss:** so i, the slick demon that i am, was going to ambush our boy when he entered the fine macy's establishment because he implied i had no ass

 **reyesss:** and i do have an ass

 **reyesss:** its luscious and bootylicious

 **king_blake:** raven

 **babygirlblake:** i mean she's not wrong

 **reyesss:** :-*

 **king_blake:** raven seriously

 **reyesss:** anyways, he came in and i, being the warrior goddess i am, came after him singing a loose interpretation of the iconic feminist anthem "fight song"

 **trikru_lincoln:** meaning she screamed at the top of her lungs with some vague attempt at a tune

 **reyesss:** IRRELEVANT

 **reyesss:** ANYWAYS i told the lovely maiden emori to hold his arms behind his back and she, being the great ally she is, did so i grabbed the nearest blunt object i could and, without a second thought as to what that object was, swung blindly

 **reyesss:** except i probably shouldn't have done that because it was a metal candle holder and i swung it directly into murphy's nose

 **j_jorDAMN:** HOLY SHIT

 **j_jorDAMN:** WHAT A TWIST

 **babygirlblake:** you worldstar-ed that shit

 **trikru_lincoln:** babe don't text and drive

 **babygirlblake:** don't text me back while i drive

 **trikru_lincoln:** touche

 **king_blake:** ok that's a nice story raven but why was that shelf on the floor? what happened to emori?

 **reyesss:** i was getting to that

 **reyesss:** anyhow i felt it crack and that was the exact moment i knew i fucked up

 **reyesss:** it was a '*record scratch* yep, that's me' moment

 **reyesss:** his big-ass nose was such a convenient target, god musta wanted that for him

 **reyesss:** but his head snapped back like a fucking spring and jammed emori in the nose

 **reyesss:** she let go, and he obviously reached out to grab the nearest thing he could because he had just become the niagara falls of nose blood, and the nearest thing just happened to be a display shelf with the world's worst balance and it fell directly onto our boy

 **reyesss:** he caught himself on his hands like a boss but then that shit came down on the sideish back of his head and the boy was knocked the fuck out my dude he was #wrecked

 **reyesss:** everything is kinda blurry after that

 **reyesss:** long story short no one should ever insult my booty and i am now the semi-proud owner of a pillow covered in emori sander's blood

 **wanheadass:** holy shit that story was wild from start to finish

 **reyesss:** yea haha

 **reyesss:** anyways do u think the hospital gift shop has a "i'm sorry i fucking obliterated your nose with a candlestick in a public place" card

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> breaking your friends nose and gettung banned from macy's for it haha #justgirlythings
> 
> anyways!!! hmu with those dank kudos/commennts bc i am a broke bitch living purely off validation and frank sinatra records


	13. lmao plot twist : its john murphy's blood

**misshandsy + m_bae_ge**

**2:47 PM**

 

 **misshandsy:** john

 **misshandsy:** john pick up the phone

 **misshandsy:** murphy got whacked in the face with a candlestick, im at the hospital

 **m_bae_ge:** i'll text his foster parents and then get an uber

 **m_bae_ge:** but wait

 **m_bae_ge:** he did what now

 

 

**The Sky High Kru**

**3:02 PM**

 

 **wanheadass:** is there any more flaming hot Cheetos in the snack machine?

 **babygirlblake:** there never was any in the first place???

 **babygirlblake:** they have like, healthy snacks and funyons

 **wanheadass:** ??? whats on ravens hands then? that looks like cheeto dust

 **reyesss:** lmao plot twist : its john murphy's blood

 **trikru_lincoln:** yea speaking of which when are u going to fucking wash that off

 **reyesss:** i didn't think abt it but i should probably do that now this is a tad unsanitary

 **trikru_lincoln:** "a tad"

 **j_jorDAMN:** ok but more importantly clarke why are you asking about hot cheetos

 **j_jorDAMN:** you literally think ketchup is spicy

 **wanheadass:** DONT EXPOSE ME LIKE THIS YOU PINEAPPLE PIZZA LOVER

 **j_jorDAMN:** PINEAPPLE PIZZA IS A VALID FOOD, YOUR SEVERLY CAUCASIAN TASTE BUDS IS A PITIFUL SITUATION

 **babygirlblake:** holy shit griffin u just got #wreckedt

 **wanheadass:** fuck off little miss "i dont have friends because i used to hide in floors instead of engaging in social interation"

 **wanheadass:** i wanted some for murphy in case he woke up ad started being homicidally hangry

 **j_jorDAMN:** like he usually is

 **wanheadass:** correct

 **trikru_lincoln:** how is the little shitstain btw

 

_**wanheadass** sent an attachment [beat-up-boi.jpeg]_

 

 **babygirlblake:** he looks so soft when he's asleep and his nose and most of his face is a giant bruise

 **j_jorDAMN:** he's like a litte baby lizard that never even once whacked out my two front teeth with a baseball bat

 **reyesss:** how is he even paler than usual

 **reyesss:** he's practically translucent

 **j_jorDAMN:** the only thing more white than clarke's taste in food

 **wanheadass:** what the FUCK is up jasper, no what did you say dude, what the FUCK dude, step the FUCK up jasper

 **trikru_lincoln:** r.i.p. vine

 **babygirlblake:** gone but never forgotten

 **wanheadass:** wheres bellamy and lex and monty btw

 **j_jorDAMN:** lex and monty r home bc monty hates hospitals. last i heard monty found the Big Bong so we may not hear from them for a hot minute

 **reyesss:** lmao lex is smoking from the big bong? pray for them

 **reyesss:** and bellamy's fighting with random medical staff trying to be allowed in the room w u and murphy

 **wanheadass:** aw bf goals

 **reyesss:** get u a man who is displeased that literally all of ur friends arent allowed in the hospital room w u until you regain consciousness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is F I L L E R and really really bad because the next chapter will be long and eventful and also i am way too preoccupied with watching its always sunny in philadelphia to write anything legitimate but i felt like i'd deprived y'all of updates for too long
> 
> u know the deal. pls comment and kudos i have a family too feed my 23 kids are starving


	14. his two eyes may be open but his third eye is closed

**The Sky High Kru**

**3:36 PM**

_**wanheadass** sent an attachment [oh-shit-waddup.jpeg]_

 

 **wanheadass:** he woke!

 **trikru_lincoln:** is he rly tho

 **trikru_lincoln:** he once told me girls couldnt read bc their mascara clouded their vision

 **wanheadass:** how stoned was he

 **trikru_lincoln:** this man was sober

 **j_jorDAMN:** his two eyes may be open but his third eye is closed

 **king_blake:** can we see him yet?

 **wanheadass:** the doctors wanna poke n prod him a lil bit

 **king_blake:** okay

 **king_blake:** wait clarke did u use flash to take that picture

 **wanheadass:** yes???? 

 **wanheadass:** i need to catch the contrast of his oily white skin to his indigo bruising

 **wanheadass:** im an art student, we do these things

 **king_blake:** clarke he has a fucken concussion

 **reyesss:** considering u used to wanna major in medicine, why tf did u wait for a concussed child to awaken and then flash a light in his poor broke-ass face

 **wanheadass:** o shit y'all rite

 **wanheadass:**  its chill tho he made me retake it like three times bc i "didnt get his angle right"

 **babygirlblake:** lmao vain ass bitchboiiiiiiiii

 **king_blake:** raven, while i appreciate your backup about the flash, maybe don't try to call anyone out on potential harm to murphy rn

 **reyesss:** o yea u rite

 **wanheadass:** yea raven you broke his fucking nose

 **wanheadass:** i think im allowed to take a fuckin picture of him while i sit with the fucking doctor

 **wanheadass:** lil psycho lil crusty lil bitch

 **reyesss:** say it to my face

 **reyesss:** god complex headass blonde bimbo

 **babygirlblake:** fight fight fiGHT FIGHT

 

**_babygirlblake_ ** _sent an attachment [sharkeisha.gif]_

 

 **wanheadass:** nah im highkey scared of raven now

 **trikru_lincoln:** tbh same

 **trikru_lincoln:** my facial structure is too perfect for her to literally fuckin obliterate it

 **babygirlblake:** tru <3

 **trikru_lincoln:** <3

 **wanheadass:** murphy says, and i quote, "lincoln has a face that makes young pharaoh wanna look at that god body, gratata"

 **trikru_lincoln:** what does that even mean

 **babygirlblake:** who even knows

 **babygirlblake:** knowing him its probably some obscure meme reference

 **reyesss:** leave it up to our boi to meme his way thru injury

 **j_jorDAMN:** what a boi

 

_**wanheadass** sent an attachment [pouty-boi.jpeg]_

 

 **wanheadass:** he says he's mad y'all didn't get the joke

 **wanheadass:** he said "only true 90s viners get it"

 **trikru_lincoln:** vine... wasn't.... you know what? nvm

 **babygirlblake:** why isn't he just textin us tho

 **wanheadass:** hes not supposed to be doin shit like that rn

 **wanheadass:** no phone and shit. he also wont be in school for a few days

 **reyesss:** yea im sure hes real devastated by that

 **j_jorDAMN:** his attendance record is the only thing worse than his hospital bill will be

 **wanheadass:** YEET

 **wanheadass:** fucc he wants to text yall so bad poor boi

 **wanheadass:** wheres mbege btw

 **reyesss:** emori's outside on the phone w him

 **reyesss:** the general vibe ive gotten is that "im very very lucky that im female and that this seems very in-character for our friendgroup or mbege would break my leg in three separate places"

 **babygirlblake:** he should do it anyways

 **reyesss:** rUDE

 **wanheadass:** yall can come in now i think

 **reyesss:** tHE VELOCITY AT WHICH BELLAMY JUST GOT OUT OF HIS SEAT AND INTO THAT ROOM

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promised shit w this chapter but consider: filler instead
> 
> y'all know the drill pls comment and kudos im distressed bc im a week into school and already failing physics


	15. i am so afraid for both of you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> advance warning: this chapter is bullshit i just needed to advance the plot a bit

**The Sky High Kru**

**3:42 PM**

 

 **wanheadass:** ok i know we decided to leave bell and murph alone until they pull their heads from each others rectums

 **wanheadass:** but bro its been ten minutes

 **wanheadass:** and bellamy is still stroking his fucking bruised face

 **reyesss:** we know clarke

 **reyesss:** we're all literally sitting directly outside

 **trikru_lincoln:** kink of the day is the stupid shit coming out of murphy's mouth rn

 **wanheadass:** "i think i have as many little nose bone pieces as u have freckles" is a keeper

 **greenbean:** have b-man and morp done the do in the ICU yet

 **babygirlblake:** there's the man of the hour

 **reyesss:** i thought the man of the hour is the one with the realigned nose

 **babygirlblake:** ok but consider: monty green

 **reyesss:** u make some valid points

 **reyesss:** hows it going w the big bong my dude

 **commander_lex:** im not even that high

 **greenebean:** yes u r

 **greenbean:** u just cried for twenty minutes over a picture of avan jogia

 **commander_lex:** i stand by that

 **greenbean:** it wasn't even adam jogia

 **greenbean:** it was selena Gomez

 **j_jorDAMN:** honestly its a mood

 **reyesss:** howre u mont the elephont

 **greenbean:** i can see every color

 **greenbean:** which may not seem like much but im red-green colorblind so

 **commander_lex:** CLARKE where r u

 **wanheadass:**  hey baby

 **commander_lex:** CLARKE MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE

 **commander_lex:** id dye for u

 **wanheadass:** do u mean 'die'

 **commander_lex:** no id dye for u

 **commander_lex:** i tie died a little but of my lingerie on ur behalf

 **wanheadass:** ... you don't own tie dye stuff?

 **commander_lex:** fukc ur right

 **commander_lex:** wtf did i use

 **wanheadass:** jesus christ

 **babygirlblake:** lmao its getting #wildt in the woods residence

 **greenbean:** nah we're chillin so hard

 **commander_lex:** ye

 **commander_lex:** we're playing uno

 **commander_lex:** except im not sure if theres rules

 **commander_lex:** and i could be wrong but i think monty just ate three of his cards

 **greenbean:** i will become uno cardi b

 **trikru_lincoln:** i am so afraid for both of you

 **wanheadass:** LQKRHFWL WHILE WE WERE DISTRACTED BY MY WIFE AND MONTY URPHY JUST FUCKEN THREW UP ON BELLAMY

 **trikru_lincoln:** YEET

 **greenbean:** lexa also jus vomited her and murp are soulmates i think

 **babygirlblake:** holy crap i live with him and i didn't even know he knew that many expletives

 **babygirlblake:** i thought i heard them all when we watched rogue one but clearly Bodhi rook's death has nothing on john murphy's vomit

 **reyesss:** holy fuck is murphy cryin

 **wanheadass:** yes

 **wanheadass:** between the pain meds and the concussion im not sure if hes really aware of whats going on beyond bellamy yelling

 **wanheadass:** aw look at bellamy comforting his husband

 **wanheadass:** "this isn't how i imagined you comforting me in my desperate need, blake" SHOOKETH

 **j_jorDAMN:** LKFDLKWH DID HE SAY THAT

 **wanheadass:** YA

 **babygirlblake:** lmao gay

 **reyesss:** your brother has been a sexual mother hen to another teenage boy for ten fucking minutes are you JUST GETTING that this is gay

 **trikru_lincoln:** im sorry but please never say "sexual mother hen" ever again in your life im disgusted

 **trikru_lincokn:** finna call PETA

 **reyesss:** ya u should call peta i abused an animal

 **reyesss:** i mean for real

 **reyesss:** look at that weird ass fuckin bruised lizard

 

_**trikru_lincoln** sent an attachment [[911.jpeg](https://cdn.meme.am/images/400x/12133772.jpg)]_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this? this right here? my worst chapter to date but i do NOT feel bad because im already drafting the next chapter and id like to think its good stuff so
> 
> AS ALWAYS please comment and kudos because i live for only two things in life and thoe are validation and attention sooooo


	16. hey guys u wanna talk about literally anything else

**The Sky High Kru**

**9:17 AM**

 

 **dye_jonathan:** hey y'all

 **j_jorDAMN:** THE PRODIGAL SON

 **trikru_lincoln:** there's the Bruised Boy Of The Week

 **dye_jonathan:** i am here, through the wonders of instant messaging

 **king_blake:** how are you? are you ok? are you sure you should be using your phone don't you have a concussion

 **dye_jonathan:** bell im gonna need u to calm ur mother hen hormones ive been out of the hospital for a day and a half

 **dye_jonathan:** ive puked not too much

 **king_blake:** "not too much"

 **wanheadass:** howre ur stitches

 **reyesss:** hows ur cone

 **dye_jonathan:** asjhfakdjha i cant believe you bought me a dog cone for my head

 **greenbean:** i can

 **wanheadass:** ^^^

 **babygirlblake:** pics or it didn't happen

 **dye_jonathan:** you can eat my Entire Ass baby bitch blake

 **dye_jonathan:** walking abortion ad headass

 **king_blake:** that's my sister u ho

 **dye_jonathan:** uve texted me on MULTIPLE occasions that u wished u could abort a baby at 16 years old

 **dye_jonathan:** so either u were talking about o or u have a whole lotta explaining to do

 **babygirlblake:** BELLAMY

 **babygirlblake:** BETRAYED BY MY OWN BRETHREN

 **king_blake:** expose me again murphy and ill shove ur broken nose shard into ur brain

 **wanheadass:** dam ok let the record show that murphy, for once, was not the one who took it too far

 **dye_jonathan:** i like to think that i take things the appropriate amount of far thank you very much

 **greenbean:** hey murphy u remember that time u pierced my ear in my sleep because i called ur earring dumb

 **dye_jonathan:** i stand by that decision

 **j_jorDAMN:** remember that time u tried to scoop out my eyeball with a spork because i called you ugly

 **dye_jonathan:** i also stand by that

 **reyesss:** remember when u befriended finn collins and helped him jump lexa's cousin artigas because because i stole your last fruit roll up

 **dye_jonathan:** that one i do regret

 **commander_lex:** yea u fucking better

 **wanheadass:** that was an icky era for u

 **wanheadass:** didn't finn make u get a tattoo on ur shoulder of a watch to represent the inevitability of death or smth

 **babygirlblake:** I REMEMBER THAT

 **babygirlblake:** he didn't shower for like three weeks and it got infected alfhlwlfkw

 **trikru_lincoln:** isn't this around the time he tried dreadlocks and did a lot of molly

 **king_blake:** yea this was also the time he drank nothing but diet mountain dew

 **dye_jonathan:** hey guys u wanna talk about literally anything else

 

**misshandsy + dye_jonathan**

**11:34 AM**

**misshandsy:** so are we just not gonna talk about what you told me at the hospital

 **dye_jonathan:** i don't rly remember what i told you

 **misshandsy:** about bellamy. you told me about you and bellamy.

 **dye_jonathan:** shit

 **dye_jonathan:** em

 **dye_jonathan:** its not like that

 **dye_jonathan:** maybe this isn't a convo we should be having over text

 **misshandsy:** youre right

 

**12:46 PM**

 

 

 **misshandsy:** im outside

 **dye_jonathan:** coming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hate myself!! but heres a tideover chapter b4 i write a good one bc im at a weird place in my life and this felt important.
> 
> idk i might delete this chapter but!! lmk what u think i guess idk kudos and comments im too lazy to be creative rn my new job is stressful


	17. i cant believe i created a heterosexual

**The Sky High Kru**

**6:37 AM**

**commander_lex:** hey you cant call urself a sapphic if u have ever in your life watched any movie that was not "Jennifer's Body"

 **babygirlblake:** correct

 **babygirlblake:** i watched star wars with bellamy when i was little and thats why im straight

 **trikru_lincoln:** lmao thanks @ bell

 **commander_lex:** oh no

 **commander_lex:** our oppressors

 **commander_lex:** the Straights

 **king_blake:** i cant believe i created a heterosexual

 **king_blake:** im so ashamed

 **wanheadass:** bumblebee balahkay ur bisexuality is Stripped From You for creating such a monster

 **king_blake:** this is biphobia

 **wanheadass:** bro im bi

 **dye_jonathan:** There's Nothing Wrong With Being Straight

 **babygirlblake:** murphy if you don't get ur gay ass outta here this is not ur fight

 **dye_jonathan:** FOR GODS SAKE GUYS THIS GAY THING IS GETTING OLD

 **commander_lex:** THE GAY THING NEVER GETS OLD

 

 

**8:20 AM**

**reyesss:** @ y'all who are in APUSH w me

 **j_jorDAMN:** so... everyone but octavia and monty, the cowards who took Human Geo

 **reyesss:** correct

 **greenbean:** there's nothing wrong with human geo!!!!!

 **trikru_lincoln:** ur lying to yourself if you really think that human geo isn't just a cop-out class for those of u too weak to take APUSH

 **greenbean:** id fight you on that but i think 99% of the people in here are failing most of their other classes

 **babygirlblake:** yea i sit next to this kid wick and he wont stop bragging about how this is his third year in tenth grade english

 **king_blake:** wtf isn't he like 20 why does he even still go here

 **babygirlblake:** idk honestly it might have something to do with the fact that hes actually fucking stupid

 **reyesss:** yeesh wtf

 **trikru_lincoln:** why are all the humanities classes like their own pocket dimensions

 **trikru_lincoln:** like the human geo class is full of imbeciles and correct me if im wrong but i think dax is currently eating a raw tomato like an apple in the corner over there

 **j_jorDAMN:** he always has some wild ass snacks

 **j_jorDAMN:** i once traded him an unopened bottle of orange juice for six family-sized bags of chili cheese fritos

 **greenbean:** what the hell did you need all those fritos for

 **j_jorDAMN:** nothing

 **j_jorDAMN:** he said he would trade the juice for some fritos and i got excited and he just. kept pulling them out of his locker i didn't know what to do

 **reyesss:** what is that that hes pulling out of his backpack

 **wanheadass:** is that another fucking tomato

 **wanheadass:** yea it is what the fuck

 **reyesss:** is that a bottle Italian dressing

 **wanheadass:** i cant tell its blue

 **j_jorDAMN:** where is murphy, he usually eats some of this shit for snap 

 **trikru_lincoln:** idk but dax keeps looking forlornly at his seat, i almost feel bad for the guy

 **king_blake:** actually tho, where is he, he hasn't been in any of our classes all day yesterday and he only he showed up for the last three minutes of homeroom and no classes today

 **babygirlblake:** idk

 **babygirlblake:** i saw him throwing back shots of tequila with atom on the blacktop before school started but the daydrinking seems like a very in-character move for him on a Tuesday morning

 **reyesss:** actually tho @bell u and him have over half their schedules together have u seriously not seen him

 **king_blake:** no

 **wanheadass:** chill, he's probably fine

 **wanheadass:** his attendance has always been sporadic at best

 **trikru_lincoln:** yea he'll be mad he's missing whatever liquid concoction dax is currently offering jasper tho

 **wanheadass:** KADLAJKDF JASPER JUST VOMITED IN HIS BACPACK

 **wanheadass:** IM CRYING DAX LOOKS SO GENUINELY OFFENDED

 

 

**king_blake + m_bae_ge**

**8:32 AM**

 

 **king_blake:** hey, wheres murphy?

 **m_bae_ge:** yo ive got the flu

 **m_bae_ge:** i saw him yesterday when he came over but id where he is currently

 **m_bae_ge:** i can text him foryou?

 **king_blake:** yea do that

 **m_bae_ge:** ard bet

 **m_bae_ge:** in the meantime, text emori

 **m_bae_ge:** those two text almost as much as you guys do

 **king_blake:** yea. as much as we do lol

 

**king_blake + misshandsy**

**8:40 AM**

 

 **king_blake:** hey emori, its bellamy

 **king_blake:** has murphy texted you today?

 

**misshandsy has blocked king_blake. you may no longer send or receive any messages with this user**

 

 

**m_bae_ge + dye_jonathan**

**8:40**

 

 **m_bae_ge:** yo u good?

 **dye_jonathan:** why

 **m_bae_ge:** not an answer, fuckface

 **m_bae_ge:** but bellamys asking abt u

 **dye_jonathan:** fuck bellamy

 **dye_jonathan:** tell him i hung myself

 **m_bae_ge:**???

 **dye_jonathan:** bellamys a prick, fuck him i don't need him

 **dye_jonathan:** ive got no parents, no girlfriend, and im going nowhere

 **dye_jonathan:** what would i need bellamy for?

 **m_bae_ge:** come over kid, ur having one of ur days again and its scaring me

 **dye_jonathan:** im on the school roof and im too drunk to climb down

 **m_bae_ge:** take the stairs, no one checks it during classes

 **dye_jonathan:** ok

 

 

**The Sky High Kru**

**9:02 AM**

 

 **king_blake:** mbege says murphy is fine, he's just "unbearably sulky and actually fucking idiotic"

 **king_blake:** direct quote

 **babygirlblake:** that's not news

 **babygirlblake:** sulky and idiotic are his defining characteristics

 **trikru_lincoln:** that and exceptionally good at strip poker

 **babygirlblake:** what

 **greenbean:** what

 **king_blake:** what

 **trikru_lincoln:** what who said that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter? shitty.  
> this character development? poorly executed.  
> me? BEYOND giving a fuck and just pumping out this chapter to procrastinate my APUSH learning check.
> 
> kudos and comments will fuel me to be funny and creative again.


	18. his memoir will make billions

**********dye_jonathan + daximum** ** ** ** **

**********3:30 PM** ** ** ** **

 

 ** ** ** ** **dye_jonathan:********** que pasa hombre

 **daximum:** ayyy my main man murphy

 **daximum:** missed u in APUSH today

daximum: kane made us write acrostic poems abt the cold war and jj jordan vomited my blue-Gatorade-and-sriracha mix into his backpack

 **dye_jonathan:** ah, wish i coulda made it. i was drunk on the roof of the school

 **dye_jonathan:** which brings us to why im sliding all up in yo messages

 **daximum:** whats up bruv

 **dye_jonathan:** imma keep it straight w ya chief

 **dye_jonathan:** what does a boy have to do for me and mbege to get some good ass drugs in our systems

 **daximum:** man i haven't seen begs in ages, all u had to do was ask

 **dye_jonathan:** lit, we're at his place

 **dye_jonathan:** bring the blue gatorade sriracha too, my snapchat misses ur snacks

 

 

**The Sky High Kru**

**3:46 PM**

 

 **dye_jonathan:** hey guys

 **dye_jonathan:** just a heads up that me and emori broke up and i rly, rly dont wanna talk abt it

 

**3:50 PM**

 

 **dye_jonathan:** damn yall rly arent gonna reply or anything

 **reyesss:** u said u didnt wanna talk abt it

 **dye_jonathan:** well at least acknowledge me, im an attention whore

 **wanheadass:** yea we all knew that already

 **dye_jonathan:** oh shut up commander of death

 **wanheadass:** aljsfkjJSJHEKHEWE

 **commander_lex:** a moment of silence for clarke's emo phase

 **wanheadass:** u were emo too u furry

 **commander_lex:** yea but which of us died our hair w food coloring and tried to live in the woods for a week

 **babygirlblake:** no shade no tea but clarke looked like a burnt chicken nugget for a good year there

 **wanheadass:** no shade no tea but if all of you got regina georged by a school bus rn i wouldn't be that mad

 **babygirlblake:** i just vomited in my mouth,did u just turn 'regina george' into a past tense verb

 **j_jorDAMN:** ok but can u conjugate it tho

 **wanheadass:** no im only in Spanish 2 ur lucky i know my own name

 **reyesss:** regina georgo, regina georges, regina george, regina georgemos, regina georgen

 **reyesss:** nailed u fuckers

 **j_jorDAMN:** u forgot vosotros u grapefruit

 **reyesss:** vosotros isn't a real tense fuck u

 **trikru_lincoln:** wow, tension is rly mounting in the spanish section of the groupchat

 **trikru_lincoln:** me and octavia are the Only French Lovers Left Alive

 **babygirlblake:** talk dirty to me u wild frenchman

 **trikru_lincoln:** uh oui oui, je suis monsieur thicc, baguette bon bon du frommage

 **babygirlblake:** fuck thats hot

 **dye_jonathan:** listen, i take chinese but im still fairly sure that lincoln didn't make a real sentence there

 **babygirlblake:** shut up, u tried to draw a bunch of scribbles on ur paper for ur chinese final bc u didn't go to a single class all year

 **greenbean:** yea only after texting me and asking if i could help

 **greenbean:** im korean, not chinese

 **babygirlblake:** damn murphy racist much

 **dye_jonathan:** monty why u gotta make me seem like a racist. ur in AP chinese it was a valid request

 

**wanheadass + dye_jonathan**

**3:52 PM**

 

 **wanheadass:** wait, but what happened with you and emori?

 **dye_jonathan:** did u miss the part where i don't wanna talk abt it

 **wanheadass:** im illiterate

 **wanheadass:** the only way i get through ap lit is audiobooks

 **dye_jonathan:** fair enough lol

 **dye_jonathan:** i seriously don't wanna talk abt it tho, its a little bit sore and there was some shit involved i REALLY don't wanna think abt

 **wanheadass:** ok

 **wanheadass:** i love you and respect your choices but also i will not let this go

 **dye_jonathan:** i can respect that

 **wanheadass:** srsly tho, u ok my cucaracha bro

 **dye_jonathan:** no, but im at mbeges w him and dax and i snorted a line of adderall

 **wanheadass:** u what now

 **dye_jonathan:** clarke this isn't even the first time ive told u i was doing this

 **wanheadass:** tru

 

 

**The Sky High Kru**

**3:56 PM**

 

 **king_blake:** hey does anyone wanna come get pizza at saldrini's 2nite

 

**dye_jonathan has left 'The Sky High Kru'**

 

 **j_jorDAMN:** wtf

 

**j_jorDAMN has added dye_jonathan to 'The Sky High Kru'.**

 

 **j_jorDAMN:** wtf man

 

**dye_jonathan has left 'The Sky High Kru'.**

 

 **j_jorDAMN:** wtfffff why did he leave

 **j_jorDAMN:** @ bell did u do smth?

 **king_blake:** no? last i spoke to him was like. Thursday?

 **reyesss:** really? yall talk all the time i thought

 **king_blake:** yea, me too. he's been rly weird recently

 **reyesss:** yea tru im kinda worried

 **reyesss:** this is vey reminiscent of fight club murphy

 **commander_lex:** fight club murphy?

 **wanheadass:** fight club murphy predates ur addition to our gang of goons my dear

 **commander_lex:** someone pls explain the concept of fight club murphy

 **reyesss:** beginning of sophomore year murphy was having some trouble coping, and at some point him and bellamy got in a rly big fistfight and yungboi was rly touch-starved and angry so he drank a lot of fireball during his classes and joined this underground fight club with a bunch of college kids twice his size as a coping mechanism

 **reyesss:** as a time stamp, this was post dropping-acid-and-running-away-from-home murphy but pre-ur-addition-to-the-group by a few months

 **commander_lex:** has that boy ever had a chill moment in his life

 **babygirlblake:** tbh i rly don't think so. his memoir will probably make billions tho

 **greenbean:** it wont win any fucking awards tho

 **reyesss:** tru

 **reyesss:** i can see the reviews now

 **reyesss:** 'thrilling memoir captures the life of one dumbass making the same mistakes ten thousand times and still does not grow at all as a person'

 **reyesss:** also his dyslexic ass couldn't write it

 **trikru_lincoln:** i volunteer to write it as a series of vines in the form of haikus

 **reyesss:** PERFECT

 

 

**king_blake + m_bae_ge**

**4:03 PM**

 

 **king_blake:** is murphy mad at me?

 **m_bae_ge:** don't worry abt it fam

 

 

**king_blake + dye_jonathan**

**4:04 PM**

 

 **king_blake:** r u mad at me

 

**dye_jonathan had blocked king_blake. you can no longer send or receive messages from this user.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> murphy! is that a self-destructive spiral im sensing?
> 
> im considering doing a lil semi-attached oneshot of when clexa got together based on something i mentioned in an earlier chapter? like im not clexas hugest fan but i like the concept of the oneshot.
> 
> anyways ! this chapter is too much plot and not enough bullsht but atp sis ive been drinking mountain dew for breakfast nothing phases me anymore
> 
> comment/kudos for me to get some nutrition and maybe. idk. get this fic together issa mess


	19. tetris-who-what now?

**The Sky High Kru**

**9:27 AM**

 

 **reyesss:** @ apush peeps r u seeing murphy right now

 **j_jorDAMN:** yea holy hell is he ok

 **wanheadass:** if by "ok" u mean "half a teaspoon away from permanent liver damage" then yea he looks fine

 **greenbean:** um !!!!

 **greenbean:** fill in your human geo peeps

 **commander_lex:** hes fucked up

 **commander_lex:** like, really fucked up

 **commander_lex:** on a scale of 1-10 he's a 62 

 **wanheadass:** more like a 69 aYOOOOOOO

 **wanheadass:** but seriously he looks rough

 **trikru_lincoln:** while i appreciate your dedication to meme culture clarke, if this is a 62, getting to 69 would be to give him alcohol poisoning

 **reyesss:** how has mr. jacobsen not sent him to the office yet

 **reyesss:** fuck a code of conduct violation this just isnt safe

 **greenbean:** yea well neither was that time that roma ate the her anatomy quiz so she didnt have to take it and she didnt even get lunch detention for that soooo

 **commander_lex:** tru, last quarter miller bet bryan that he could do a backflip with a fidget spinner in his hand and he wouldn't mess it up and ended up kicking him in the face and i don't think dr. jackson even paused his lesson

 **reyesss:** in retrospect how did we not notice those two were flirting they weren't even slick about it

 **reyesss:**  also where is bellamy

 **king_blake:**  bellamy has a light case of tetrahymenaand therefore is not at school

 **greenbean:** tetris-who-what now?

 **king_blake:** its that stomach bug thats going aroung lol

 **trikru_lincoln:** aw feel better king <3 we have a calc quiz tomorrow and i need to cheat off of you

 **king_blake:** glad to know im loved and appreciated and not used at all <3

 

 

**reyesss + king_blake**

**9:32 AM**

**reyesss:** alright bullshit blake

 **reyesss:** spill your guts, whats up

 **king_blake:** im sick read the gc

 **reyesss:** yea yea yea you have tetrahymena i saw

 **reyesss:** except u forget that ur not the only one who took aquatic science last year

 **reyesss:** so unless u mysteriously sprouted gills and moved to a saltwater environment im gonna have a hard time believing that you have guppy disease

 **reyesss:** seriously, b, whats up?

 **king_blake:** nothing im fine

 **reyesss:** is this abt murphy?

 **king_blake:** im worried abt him

 **reyesss:** we all are

 **king_blake:** no u dont understand

 **king_blake:** hes fucking avoiding me

 **king_blake:** he blocked me

 **king_blake:** last night i tried to come by his house to figure out what was up he was high as a damn kite, his nose was bleeding again

 **king_blake:** why he would snort anything when he just broke his fucking nose is beyond me

 **king_blake:** but he told me that i was 'ruining' him

 **king_blake:** he told me that everything he is is because of me

 **king_blake:** then he vomitted everywhere

 **king_blake:** god raven he was crying so hard and i dont even know what i did wrong

 **king_blake:** and then when i went to help he told me to stay the fuck away from him and slammed the door in my face

 **reyesss:** oh my god

 **reyesss:** bellamy im so sorry

 **king_blake:** its whatever i guess

 **king_blake:** is he ok?

 **reyesss:** he puked on the floor so jacobsen had dax take him to the nurse

 **king_blake:** ok

 **reyesss:** he'll be fine, bellamy

 **king_blake:** ok

 **reyesss:** will u be ok tho?

 **king_blake:** ok

 

 

 

 **dye_jonathan** made a new chat

 **dye_jonathan**  added  **wanheadass, j_jorDAMN, greenbean, babygirlblake, trikru_lincoln, reyesss, commander_lex**

 

 **dye_jonathan:**  what r u guys doing after 4th

 **wanheadass:**  going to 5th

 **dye_jonathan:** ok lemme rephrase

 **dye_jonathan:** friends who arent giant fucking nerds: what r u guys doing after 4th

 **wanheadass:** lekfhwjslj RUDE

 **babygirlblake:** presumably lincoln in the equipment shed

 **trikru_lincoln:** ayyyyyyy

 **trikru_lincoln:** wait seriously tho

 **babygirlblake:** yea fam my brother isnt here i have no fears 

 **commander_lex:** does anyone else think this gc feels a little too heterosexual rn

 **greenbean:** ^^^^

 **j_jorDAMN:** ^^^^

 **babygirlblake:** fuck all yall ur heterophobic

 **reyesss:** so is ur mom AYO

 **j_jorDAMN:** raven im all for the queer agenda but pls never drag aurora blake, the fire of my loins and queen of my heart, into our roasting sessions ever again

 **wanheadass:** im with jasper on this

 **wanheadass:** aurora blake is a queen rt if u agree

 **commander_lex:** rt

 **greenbean:** rt

 **trikru_lincoln:** rt

 **dye_joanthan:** rt

 **babygirlblake:** ewwww guys thats my mom

 **trikru_lincoln:** ur mom is a snack my love idk what to tell you

 **trikru_lincoln:** but murphy what did you have in mind?

 **dye_jonathan:** idk man im suspended apparently

 **wanheadass:** yea well no shit

 **dye_jonathan:** clarke

 **dye_jonathan:** from the bottom of my heart

 **dye_jonathan:** suck a fat cock

 **wanheadass:** that's ur job ;) suck bellamy's

 

_**dye_jonathan** has removed  **wanheadass** from the chat_

 

**_dye_jonathan_ ** _has left the chat_

 

 **j_jorDAMN:**  what??? the fuck???

 **jorDAMN:** how are we supposed to make plans with him now???

 **reyesss:** something went down with him and bell last night

 **greenbean:** i'll check on him later he listens to me

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know i say all my updates suck but just be aware that i know this one ACTUALLY sucks, im just updating for the sake of updating because i havent added shit since MARCH?
> 
> and plus i need to move this plot forward and i couldnt do that with the usual crack bullshit in the way so!!!!! it be like this
> 
> kudos/comment to lmk if anyone still reads this garbage

**Author's Note:**

> hmu with those dank kudos/comments to let me know if i should continue this or if i should publicly apologise for it


End file.
